If You've Met One Person Hit By a Bus....

     In the autism world there is a saying...."If you've met a child with autism, then you've met one child with autism."  This is an attempt to describe what is called the Autism Spectrum.  Autism is a spectrum disorder because there are varying degrees of severity.  Some may not be able to talk, while others may go about public places unnoticed.
     When my son was diagnosed at two years old in 2000, the diagnostic criteria was broke into three categories.  Social, Speech and Development.  He could not talk or point to objects.  He did not babble.  He was a "picky-eater" and had trouble sleeping.  He lined up toys instead of playing with them appropriately.  He did not come when he was called, and seemed overly determined.
Rashes and Fevers and Strep and Ear Infections and Vomiting weren't even considered.
    At that time, he was thought to be too loving to his family and baby brother to fit the criteria for autism under the Social category.  No speech...check.  Development wise he didn't act like a typical toddler...didn't make eye contact....not meeting milestones....check.
   After reading the evaluation reports from the early intervention team, and passing the hearing test, the Neurologist, who met us just that time, observed for a few minutes and decided Tristen was on the Autism spectrum....he had Pervasive Developmental Delay, Not Otherwise Specified.
   I soon learned it was easier to just say "autistic" when people questioned his odd behavior....at least people had seen Rainman.  PDD NOS was too hard to explain in the beginning.
   When he was eight, we moved to Michigan and he was evaluated by the school psychologist who observed him a few times in the classroom.
   "Mrs. Davidson, I think there must be some mistake, Tristen does not seem to have autism...not that I can see anyway."
     I told him how to "poke the bear". 
     "Take him out in the middle of class to test him without giving him warning.  Stop him from completing work and tell him it's time to go.  Change his schedule.  Have you had any fire drills?"  The list of ideas continued.
    Later that week, I received a phone call saying not only did they see the autistic traits, they had been able to label him autistic using the GARS assessment from the staff which ensured him special education services.
     When a person meets a child with autism, what it comes down to is severity and expectations and experiences.  Who do you know already with autism?  That first person you meet you will judge all the rest against....which was tough as Tristen grew up because most people's reference was Raymond Babbitt.  Either they were confused because he didn't act like that, or they were curious to know what special ability he had so they could be amazed and entertained....

Well, that's not how it works. 

If you've met one person hit by a bus, you've met one person hit by a bus.

Just because two individuals were injured in a terrible accident, does not mean they will come away with the same injuries.  They could be hit by the same bus at the same time and still have different injuries.  There injuries could be very similar with only a few discrepancies.
That's life.  That's chance.  That's the unpredictability of our human form and how it works.
We know about genetics.  That applies here as well.  One person could have genes where they quickly recover.  Maybe one person's background makes them flinch a little less than the other's.  One could have a simple fracture, the other could die. 
What about the bus?  How big was it?  How fast was it going?  How old were the victims at time of impact?  Were they trying to get away, or did they not see it coming.

There are thousands of scenarios that could be played out to decipher what kind of injuries a person would have after being hit by a bus.

"If you've met a child with autism, you've met ONE child with autism."

There is injury there.  Somehow, there little bodies were injured and couldn't recover completely.  Some have life-long pain and their injuries seem to be worse than others.

***I move to a new place, and introduce my son to new people. 
"He seems fine."
"Doesn't he flap or walk on his tip-toes?"
Looks of confusion at my boys...."Which one has the autism" ( this says more about Tanner than it does about Tristen)
"He will be fine, don't worry about him."

On one hand, I am truly truly blessed by my Heavenly Father to grant me such a sweet and awesome and capable child that is a better human being than I can ever hope to be.  I am so extremely blessed that we have come to this point, where he can not be picked out of a crowd....and as long as no one tries to talk to him, you would have no idea of his challenges.

You wouldn't know that on the way to church, we talk about how we have to answer a person's question if they talk to you.  You wouldn't know we discuss how to smile politely and make eye contact. 

You probably didn't see the little cues I gave him when he started to go off into his head and talk to himself....reciting his latest favorite TV show.

No one saw this morning when he had a meltdown over a new PE unit that was too difficult.  The tears and the frustration...the slams of his body as he collapses in defeat.

You weren't there when we were in the ER and we had to tell the doctor this 147lb. 15 year old broke his hand spinning down the hallway. 

No one else sees the delight in his eyes when we read a book at the fifth grade level and he knows almost all the words.

You can't here him now, plopping on the couch, stomping and reciting the funniest parts of movies with gusto over and over again.

Tristen has come so so far.  I'm not going to have anyone take that way from him.  That is what he earned for his hard work....to "seem fine"....even though he doesn't realize he wasn't fine to begin with.

Tristen is unique just as all children with autism are....and he is on a different part of his journey.  One where we are working to find his place in the world because adulthood is coming up fast.

The "Bus" that hit my newborn baby was the Hep B vaccine, and his injuries are life-long.  And just because when the "bus" hit a thousand other children and didn't leave a mark, doesn't mean it didn't hurt him. 

Because after all...when you've met one person hit by a bus.....