Fill in the Blank

Finish this sentence:

If God can do anything, he can help me________.


Tristen did as he was asked.  I read his paper.  If God can do anything, he can help me THINK BETTER.


I had to choke back the tears that were welling up, threatening to blur my vision and give me away to the rest of the class.  This is the first time my 15 year old with autism has ever talked about or shared the fact that he may be aware of his disability.

How, you may ask, could we have gotten along this far on our journey without telling him he had a disability?

Well, that is exactly what shocked his teachers last year when I asked that he not be a part of the unit "Learning about Our disabilities" in the CD classroom.

"You don't want Tristen to KNOW he has Autism?" his teacher asked, not careful to hide her judgemental tone.  (I think they wanted him to wear a bracelet or T-shirt or something with his disability on it.)

Now, maybe that sort of idea worked for the students at McKinley High....they wore what made them different written on T-shirts and were proud that they were not perfect.  They embraced the qualities and made being different ok.

The big difference there, isn't the fact the students from "Glee" who preformed "Born This Way", ,  fought most of their lives with the adjective, it was their level of understanding of life and people and relationships....all things a person with autism struggles to understand.

As parents, we have been very careful over the years how we talk about Tristen, especially in front of him.  We NEVER introduce him..."this is our oldest Tristen, he has autism".  Later in casual conversation we might tell the individual about him, but we don't want him to feel like he has a negative label attached to him at every introduction.

He doesn't really realize he is in special education classes.  He never refers to himself as "special".  (That's how he describes food that is ok for him to eat.)

As his younger brother was growing up, sometimes he would get upset and wonder why Tristen didn't have to read as long as him or have as much homework.  We just told him it was harder for Tristen to learn, so we had to be understanding that things weren't always going to be the same.  Tristen was ok with that.  He knew school was hard for him.

In the past few years, we've talked to Tanner about how he is able to have a life his brother probably won't have.  He is very understanding and very good to his brother....but we don't talk about negatives in front of his brother.

If a small child...four or five... came up to you with the dream of one day going to the moon....do you tell them how the odds aren't in his favor?  Do you quickly squash his dreams and get him back to reality?  "There is no way you will be smart enough to be an astronaut."

So, why don't I want my son to wear his disability proudly?

I think of the first time someone pointed out a physical flaw that I had never noticed, even though I was well into adulthood.  After seeing what they saw, my self-esteem, which was not that great to begin with, took a nose dive.  It's all I saw in the mirror and it made me shy away from people even more.

And then I think of my sweet boy, with no gile in his heart....pure and inocent...and someone points out he has a disability. 

"You have autism.  Do you know what that means?  You can't relate to people.  People can't understand you.  You don't understand directions.  You can't....you Can't....you CAN'T".  All to a boy who always thought he could.

I am o.k. with telling Tristen's classmates...."Tristen doesn't like loud noises, like screaming in the lunchroom or the fire alarm."  Tristen knows he doesn't like these things.  It's specific to him, not necessarily autism.

So, maybe I am out of sync with the media's portrayal of High School students, and maybe I simply don't understand what the teacher's are trying to teach my son.  Either way, he is MY son.  I know him best.  I want him built up and not torn down.  I want him to believe in himself...to love himself.   To know that being who he is....is ok.

There are kids who can understand their challenges.  There are kids who don't.  There is no excuse for educated individuals lumping them all together, instead of seeing them for the promising, unique, important individuals they are.

When that day comes, and Tristen asks me why he is different, I'll be ready.  I will be gentle and explain things in a way where he will not be confused or put-down.  My time-table is not someone else's time-table....and when he's ready, I'll be there....not because it fit into the lesson plans...but because it was the right time for him.