Seventeen.

 

Birthdays are always cause for reflection. Especially in kids with autism. So many emotions. Such a long journey, filled with progress, success, and innumerable blessings.

Amongst the positives, also lies the reality. As I type this, he is pacing back and forth reciting an episode of Chowder to himself all the while inserting snippits of sliding, spinning and flapping.

He makes a slight sniffing noise from the congestion in his sinuses. I make a mental note that I need to diffuse the essential oils.

I could write until my last breath about all the wonderful things that make up my Tristen. I could write about no matter how small the gain, the joy is large and pure. I could write about his future, where it should be and where it could be.

But today, I want to write about his self-lessness.

You might think that someone with autism is selfish. In ways they can be, even when they don't mean to be. They tend to see their wants and needs over others, just like many small children. If you really get to know people with disabilities, you will see there are many very kind an generous individuals. This is just one area where Tristen excels.

Although many of us may wonder why people forget our birthdays and sulk over not even getting a text or Facebook message, Tristen doesn't.

He doesn't expect it. He doesn't look for it and use it to define his self-worth. He can feel those who love him regardless of well-wishes and presents. He knows he will have a great day.

There are many people who are close to him, that consistently forget his birthday. Some who get him gifts some of the time, but not all of the time. Family, who he knows very well, often “forget”.

Tristen isn't selfish in that way. He isn't constantly wondering why the world isn't thinking about him. Nor, is he wondering why his family isn't thinking of him either.

In this way, he has been protected from the hurt that many kids would justifiably feel.

I'm sure, if his Dad and I didn't have a cake and gifts for him, he would ask why because it's been a consistent tradition. But, I know for a fact if we told him we couldn't for a good reason, he would be disappointed, but he would understand.

I learn so many lessons from him about compassion and what is truly important in life. It is not the number of friends you have at your birthday party or how many gifts you get. Celebrating another year of life is about feeling love, being loved and loving others....and a day to reflect on all that is good and has been good in your life. It's a day of gratitude.

And in this, I can be grateful and content on this birthday, and overlook the spinning, flapping and pacing, because what is in my son's heart, is worth a lifetime of birthday gifts.