I can tell you that I did tip my toe into the gaming world ever so slightly when my kids were young. In face, the first gaming system my boys had was purchased by me, as another form of learning. It was called the V-smile and it had simple games for young children (back before Ipads and Iphones) to learn their ABC's and 123's. You see, my child was diagnosed with autism, and it was particularly difficult to get him to be interested in something long enough to learn it. I should have bought stock in LeapFrog, because that's where our money went to every holiday. It was all about the learning in our home....for both our children....and we, as parents concerned about their well-being, wanted to give them all the opportunities we could to learn in various forms.
My husband was an avid gamer, but spent most of their formative years deployed. We had (and still have) a strict rule about the types of games he is allowed to play in their presence.
My youngest son was in about first or second grade when he got a Gameboy for a gift. I wasn't extremely thrilled, as I wanted to try to keep them from too much video game playing for as long as possible, but he really enjoyed it and it helped to keep him occupied on long trips. What I realized was, that I had control of what kinds of games he played and how long he played them.
This was really a formative point in our relationship with games and how they affected us and our lives.
When my kids were very young, we spend every afternoon outside. In the sandbox, on the swing set, riding toys around the sidewalks, going to the park and the pool. We were always outside playing letting them get all their little boy energy out. And they loved it.
But my kids aren't like most kids. They got sick. They were sick A LOT. Constant rashes and blisters plagued them. Soon it became apparent the grasses, sand and pollen were having a negative affect.
As they grew older, we bought them bicycles and taught them how to ride bikes, but they were uncoordinated and did not feel well when they were outside. Soon we found out they had seasonal allergies. This didn't stop us from expecting them to participate in school and church activities that required them to be outside, but they began to choose to be indoors during their free time more often than not.
Now, by boys are just a few short weeks shy of being 16 and 18. They never developed much talent for sports and felt awkward trying to keep up with their peers. Camping was a fail, as the weather, bugs and nature seemed to have a negative affect on them. Fishing proved unimpressive.
Common comments to me have proved quite offensive when referring to the time my boys spend playing video games, and I felt the need to write to explain why my teenage boys enjoying some game time does not make me a bad mother and it most definitely does not make them bad kids.
1) We continue to monitor what kinds of games are played.
My soon to be 18 year old only plays Lego games. Lego Batman. Lego Star Wars. He plays in spurts. He might really enjoy playing a couple of hours a day for a few days, but then he goes on to something else. He doesn't play any online games.
My soon to be 16 year old is not interested in games with blood and gore and he does not like foul language. He enjoys playing games that are usually geared toward kids around age 10. He knows he has schoolwork, chores and lunch to do before he can play and that the TV is always Dad's when he gets home. He sets up a little time for himself every afternoon and then moves on to other activities.
2)We continue to monitor how much time is spent gaming. We also monitor their mood and agitation level. A rule in our house is that if it causes you to become angry, frustrated, or upset, then it really isn't "fun" anymore and shouldn't be played.
3)Our children do as they are asked.
Untypical of teenage boys, they are not allowed to play anything after 10pm. They wake up about 6 am every day (even though they are home-schooled) and stick to a rigid routine for breakfast, school, chores and lunch. They do extra chores when asked without complaint. They are kind and respectful to their parents and each other. Why wouldn't we let them do what they enjoy in their free time?
4)Our children are not social.
Social awkward is an accurate description. They don't relate well to other children, and most of their peers enjoy movies, games, dating and cell phones that my boys have zero interest in. We have taught them to be "in" the world, but not "of" the world.....and that can make it hard to have friends with the same interests and values that you have.
At the end of the day, these are my children. Their compliance and personalities dictate what rules we enforce in our home. Maybe if we had different children, who were more obsessive or more defiant, we would have reason to limit their activities more. Because we have been consistent in our rules and consequences from day one, gaming is only a small part of our lives that we do not see as an issue. We are fully aware it could become one and if that happens we will deal with it accordingly.
Video games aren't going away. They are a big part of the culture of the times, and I believe being too extremely strict could backfire at some point, causing them to rebel against all our rules. Especially for kids who are socially awkward....a video game may be their only way to connect with another human being.
Just because my kids play video games, doesn't make me a bad mother. But judging someone else's parenting on one fact, without understanding their unique situation, makes you a pretty mean and misguided person.
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