Can you see the Baby Steps? Teaching Autistic Children

In my 15 year old autistic son's IEP (an educational plan put together by his teachers), one of his goals is to spontaneously engage in conversations with his peers.

I'm not gonna lie...I HATED this goal the minute his teacher suggested it.
Here's why:
1)  First of all he has autism.  His disability specifically inhibits him to do this spontaneously.  That is like saying a child in a wheel-chair has the goal to walk unassisted.  You can't make that big of a leap....it starts with baby steps....maybe literally depending on the case.....but the fact is, in either situation, the child NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT HOW.

2) Whenever faced with the task of making a goal for a student, one should ALWAYS think...is this a reasonable request?  Is this something they will need in their life?  Do I really for see them accomplishing this goal, or am I setting them up for failure?  No parent likes to see the same goal on an IEP year after year....it makes it look like there is no progress being made.

3)Do you already have a feasible plan of how to accomplish the goal?  Can you see crossing the finish line?

Now, Tristen is very good at following rules.  Almost to a fault at times, because in life there are many gray areas despite being taught "black" and "white" "always" and "nevers".  It's confusing.
So, if a teacher gave him a direction, such as needing to ask a student for help before asking the teacher, he will, but it causes a lot of anxiety, because in his mind, it isn't so much of the social interaction he is shying away from, it is more the worry that the student won't know the answer either or will give him the wrong answer.  He wants to go to the teacher, because they always have the right answer.

It also is not in his wiring at this point to WANT friendships.  That is the kind of autism that is specific to Tristen.  He has NEVER asked to have anyone over for his birthday.  He has NEVER asked for a play date or to have a friend "hang out".   He prefers to sit alone.  And from years of observation and knowing this child from birth, it has less to do than fear of social interaction and more to do with not liking what the person is doing or eating.....especially eating!

I see him now, as a teenager, being a bit more shy around girls, and less likely to give eye contact.  I think that is age appropriate, although it manifests itself in a more autistic way.

When he finds out someone has the same interest as he does, he will talk to them, and be excited to do so, about that topic.

For example, his uncle liked Pokemon as a kid.  Once, he saw Tristen playing with Pokemon cards and he talked to him about it.  He later brought in his old cards and videos to show him.  From then on, whenever his uncle came over, Tristen would be excited to talk to him about Pokemon.

It makes sense to me, then, if I were to teach a child like Tristen about making friends, I would start by teaching him how to ask someone what there interests are to see if he can make a connection, before simply expecting him to make a friend who he wants to sit by at lunch everyday.

Baby steps. 

To have a job and be out in the community, social skills are essential.  I focus more on manners than friendships.  People can get along without having lots of friends. 

In our home school "Skills" class we talk about social interaction.  Tristen had the initial concept down.....if someone says "hi" to me, I say "hi" in return.

What it looked like: 
"Hi Tristen!"  (big, warm, animated smile)
"hi" as he averted his eyes from the person and quickly walked past them as quickly as he could to avoid any more interaction.)
Most of the time, as he is quickly rushing past, the person talking is trying to follow up and continue the conversation with a "How are you doing today?" which Tristen has completely ignored in his attempt to escape the situation.

So, we talked about how we have to wait for social/facial cues that someone is done talking to us before we walk away.  And the only way we will know, is if we LOOK at the person's face.

The Baby Steps Look Like This:
1)You see a person.  Know they will probably say "hi" to you.
2)Say "hi" in return.
3)Look the person in the face to see if they are done talking to you before you walk away.  Expect a second question.
4)Answer the second question.
5)When there has been a pause in talking, you know the conversation is done.
6)End with a smile

I am happy to report that Tristen has made it all the way to step six within the first four weeks of school.  We had interactions six days a week.  Each day, we discussed the interactions and he was able to pick out stickers when he remembered the steps and responded appropriately. 
That was enough.  That's all he needed.

1)break down exactly what you want from the student
2)pick a reasonable reward for that child (stickers won't work for everyone)